Outraged

 

Earlier this morning I noticed that someone had posted on a flea market group I run on Facebook that she had a psychiatrist who was recommending she get additional supports.  She stated she was a single mother without a lot of money and wanted to know what might be out there.

I messaged her to let her know that under the guidelines of that group, the post would have to be removed.  I also let her know that I’d worked in the mental health field for decades, and suggested some options.

She messaged back, thanking me, saying that she had heard privately from several people on that group who had been cruel, telling her to just take more meds and other shitty things.

I was – I am – outraged.

For now, this is what I’ve done (aside from writing this blog, and posting it).  The following was posted on the aforementioned Facebook group:

“As the administrator of this group, and as a human being, I am outraged by how one of our members was treated.

She posted looking for support services for mental health issues. The post itself did not belong on this group, but that’s not the point.

What has me outraged is that she’s received a bunch of messages from people hassling her about her mental health comments, and just being mean.

IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

I will not go on a rant here (although I really feel like it), but will give a warning right now: if I find out who from this group pulled such a stupid asshole stunt, you will be blocked immediately. No questions asked, no chance to plead your immature, bullying case.

Got it?”

Damn, this makes me mad.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

We’re also on MeetUp; search Lewiston Grief Support MeetUp.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping keep our doors open.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Posted in anxiety | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

My Responses to a Simplistic Blog on Anxiety Reduction…

https://hackspirit.com/mindfulness-expert-reveals-10-ways-calm-anxiety-strikes/

I recently read a blog (the URL above) that basically says take a deep breath and your anxiety will go bye-bye.

Yuh… not happening.

Those of us – including my late husband – who live with anxiety are well aware that it takes more than willing it away. Anxiety takes over every cell in your body, and even though you KNOW there’s nothing to be in fever-pitch anxiety mode about, the chaos feels unmanageable, like it’s totally in control of your mind and your body.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with the strategies suggested.  But they are very simplistic, and telling the anxious person to just follow these tips will only add to his or her stress, who will then blame herself for not doing them right.

The strategies suggested are as follows:

1) First, slow down.

When anxiety hits, everything speeds up. Our thoughts race, our heart pounds and our breathing increases. This can make it difficult to think rationally. Consciously try to move a little slower and slow down your breathing.

My response:  Good advice.  We do need to make a conscious effort to slow down our breathing, our movements, and choose our words carefully.

2) Come to your senses

While anxiety lives in the mind, it often comes out in the body. One of the best ways to stop getting lost in your thoughts is to come to your senses. This will help you get back to the present moment.

My response:  Do indeed pay attention to your senses, all of them.  What do you see right now? What do you feel, hear, smell, taste?  Is there one that’s standing out and ramping up your anxiety?  (For example, did you smell alcohol on someone’s breath, or did you hear a voice that reminded you of an abusive person from your past or present life?)

Develop an anxiety toolbox that contains a variety of such things as hard candies (sour ones are great), chewing gum, stress or fidget toys, coloring, a vanilla candle, and small slips of paper with affirmations you’ve chosen.  Find one item from that toolbox – a simple basket or plastic container would work, or you can purchase something with all sorts of little drawers – and concentrate on it.  Feel the hardness of the candy, taste its sourness and the sensation of it getting smaller in your mouth…

3) Be mindful of a simple task.

Life is full of simple tasks: walking, eating, showering. When we’re anxious, we tend to not really notice what we’re doing when we undertake these tasks. Flip the script on this and focus on what you’re actually doing, even if they’re usually what you’d consider boring.

My response:  If you can do something that’s the opposite of what you were doing, it may help.  For example, if you’re wandering nervously around your house, try sitting down on the floor, and touch that floor with your open palms.

If your brain is going a million miles a minute, try singing a simple song.  I like the DO RE MI song from the Sound of Music because it can be sung over and over.

4) Do a reality check

Anxiety stems from fears about events that haven’t taken place. Our minds can create scenarios that aren’t really true. Ask yourself if there is any evidence to support what you’re so fearful about. Chances are, there isn’t really truth for what your [sic] worried about.

My response:  Those with anxiety already know this.  We know our anxiety is primal and probably doesn’t make sense in the here and now.  This is not “worrying”.  It’s much, much bigger than that, unfortunately.

5) Release the critic

If anxiety wasn’t bad enough, we tend to get critical of ourselves for having anxiety. When you notice your self-critic, see if you can observe it and consciously put a stop to it.

My response: Again, it’s not that simple.  If it was, we wouldn’t have anxiety meds, therapy, stress-induced illnesses, etc.

6) Channel your anxious energy

Anxiety isn’t all bad. There is a reason we have anxiety so our ancestors can deal with threats. Sometimes it can help to use that energy and do exercise or get productive.

My response:  A certain amount of stress is indeed critical to survival.  Anxiety is NOT stress, although stress an trigger it.  However, finding a way to channel that anxiety is a positive direction to pursue.  Can you bake cookies?  Take the dogs for a long walk?  Clean the garage?  It’s a bit harder if you’re at work, or have other responsibilities.  Try to develop a short list BEFORE the anxiety hits.  

7) Lie down and look up

This is an age-old trick taught by the great eastern spiritual gurus. Lie down, look up at the sky and watch the clouds. Experience the nature of how all things naturally come and go.

My response:  If you can do this, it’s a great idea.  Feel the ground beneath you, the air around your body and the sun on your face.  Think of the vastness of the clouds and the wonder of creation and how each living creature fits.

8) Listen

This is a great mindfulness technique. Take a moment of your day and set an intention to listen. Listen to the sounds of the leaves in the wind, of birds chirping and people talking. When we pause and listen, we reconnect with the present moment.

My response:  I like this.  Plan for it. Do this daily, and at a time when you are not feeling anxious, so that it will become easier when the chaos inside is ramping up.

9) Practice 5×5

Go through your senses and name 5 things about them. In other words, 5 things you’re seeing, hearing, tasting and feeling. This can help you reconnect with what’s happening right now.

My response:  Again, another good tool, and one to practice daily.  Since it can be difficult to focus when you’re anxious, don’t allow yourself to rush through this.  If you always start with the same senses in the same order, you can learn to force yourself to start all over if you skip a step, and continue starting over until you do each step without a miss.

10) Nurture patience

Patience truly is a virtue. Whenever you feel impatient, ask yourself why. Make yourself realize that it’s distracting you from the present moment. Patience is a pathway to emotional freedom.

My response:  When I read this one, I just shook my head.  Yes, having the ability to practice patience is a great skill, and can save you all sorts of unhappiness and ill will from others.  And I love a quote I found decades ago that “Impatience is anger disguised as a virtue” because too often it has described me to a T.

Again, this is something that must be practiced when you are not in the throes of an anxiety attack.  Telling yourself to be patient or to “calm down” can be counter-productive… and it certainly doesn’t work to tell someone else that if they’re having a hard time!

In summary, anxiety is not simple worry that can be treated with a few quick tips.  It takes a great deal of work to manage, and much of that work must be done when the person is in a good space, so the skills learned can be more readily used when that out of control feeling takes over.  My responses here are pretty basic; getting a handle on true anxiety will take some real focus and determination.

I’d love to hear from others who have tips and ideas about what works for you… let me know because at some point, I plan to expand on this theme!

Good luck!

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

We’re also on MeetUp; search Lewiston Grief Support MeetUp.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping keep our doors open.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Posted in anxiety, Inspirational | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Am the Storm

Fate whispers to the warrior, “You cannot withstand the storm”.

The warrior whispers back, “I am the storm”.

My Johnny fought the battle for a very long time, but even the strongest, bravest warrior tires.  Now I am fighting the fight for him, although even through my horrible grief, my battle will never be as fierce or as painful or as never-ending as his was.

Loved you then.  Love you still.

And as our wedding words vowed, “till death and beyond”.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

We’re also on MeetUp; search Lewiston Grief Support MeetUp.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping keep our doors open.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Posted in Grief | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

You Have to Get Through It…

 

You have to get through it, knowing that you will never get over it.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

We’re also on MeetUp; search Lewiston Grief Support MeetUp.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping keep our doors open.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Posted in Grief | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Grief Is Not Linear

Grief is not linear – it doesn’t start strong and taper off over time.

Rather, it is like a storm, that grows smaller or larger in the same day, and often within hours.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

We’re also on MeetUp; search Lewiston Grief Support MeetUp.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping keep our doors open.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Posted in Grief | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Hearts Like Wildflowers

I hope you are blessed with a heart like a wildflower.

Strong enough to rise again after being trampled upon, tough enough to weather the worst of the summer storms, and able to grow and flourish even in the most broken places.

Nikita Gill

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

We’re also on MeetUp; search Lewiston Grief Support MeetUp.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping keep our doors open.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Posted in Coping Skills & Resiliency, Grief, Inspirational | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

All The Art of Living….

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

— Havelock Ellis

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

We’re also on MeetUp; search Lewiston Grief Support MeetUp.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping keep our doors open.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Posted in Grief, Inspirational | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment