One of the Most Dangerous Memes I’ve Seen

The meme and comments below came from a Facebook group that’s supposedly for enlightened people.  The meme itself made me want to scream.  Some of the comments were completely ignorant.

XXXXXXXX  This is on point. People seem to forget you’re not supposed to be happy all the time. Life is hard. Figure out what makes it worth it.

AAAAAAAA Well, life is supposed to be fun, and easy!
If it’s hard, it’s because we’re doing something that makes it so, and then we have to find our way to how it becomes easy instead.

XXXXXXXXX It’s not supposed to be fun and easy. Not as an adult anyway. Life is fundamentally difficult.

BBBBBBBB Life is not a game. When you are that depressed the brain does or goes to places that it takes something to snap out of it.

XXXXXXXXXX Or you surrender to the emotions because it’s part of the human experience and like everything else, it’ll pass.

Linda Snyder This is such horse shit. It’s not the way people with major depression who are living with suicidal thoughts think.

XXXXXXXXXXX Linda Snyder maybe that’s their problem. 🤷🏻‍♀️

CCCCCCC   XXXXXXXX When you get to this point you cannot control how you think or feel anymore. At all. If you could, it wouldn’t be severe depression. That’s how mental illness works. It’s like somethjg takes you over, and it almost feels like you have emotions that don’t even belong to you. Severe depression, when it is at this level, has a pretty heavy layer of delusion. By the time you get to the suicide part, it is bordering on psychosis, and in my opinion, it’s already there. Other wise, they wouldn’t be considering dying in the first place, since that’s obviously not even close to rational or a normal thing to be thinking or doing.

DDDDDDDDD You cannot surrender to those emotions… They are not normal emotions. They are far past that. Nothing is real at that point. Surrendering to them, would be following through with the suicide.

EEEEEEEEE  “Maybe that’s their problem.” This is the entirety of the conversation, and unfortunately it’s everyone’s problem once it affects or touches your life in some prevalent way. I’m so grateful you have not had to experience true major depression or the loss of someone close to you due to them dying by suicide. That said, empathy is a tool that we all need in our tool belt in order to be able to find peace and make real connections. I hope you one day can understand how much pain someone must be in to want it all to end. Someone in a suicidal state does not want to die, they simply want pain to end. It isn’t about surrendering or giving up, it’s about feeling too burdensome to others. May you never endure this pain or loss, but find the ability to see how others may struggle with it and acknowledge their problem and their

FFFFFFFF I feel this was likely written by somebody who has never experienced clinical depression or suicidal thoughts. It’s way more than just “feeling sad” or having “minor problems” in your life. You can’t just talk or think

GGGGGGGG  FFFFFF – Agrees lost a friend to suicide 2 yrs ago !

FFFFFFFF I’m sorry for your loss, Nettie. It seems more and more people are taking their lives in recent years and it is tragic.

HHHHHHHH Depressed person’s response, “Mario is not real life. When you beat the game the game ends. What if you played a harder video game where it was impossible to beat the first level and the game just sucked? Would you give up? What if everyone else loved the game, but you hated the game? Would you keep trying?” See this is exactly why the Mario analogy sucks.

IIIIIIIII  comparing a life altering decision to a computer game is truly beyond comprehension.. and to try to stop another from leaving this plane when it may be a necessity is NOT the right of any human being… sometimes we simply need a rest from our life in order to come back (reincarnate) and continue working on our lives… who has any right to judge another’s path ?????? NO ONE.

JJJJJJJJ    Wtf? Just 8 weeks ago a family member of the tender age of 19 took their life. This is not valid at all!!!!!

KKKKKKKKK Normally if you are at the point you are seriously considering suicide, “things are hard sometimes but they will get better, ” is not going to suffice. You are so depressed at that point, you can hardly bare to be awake. This is a really dumb meme. Doesn’t make any sense at all.

LLLLLLLLL  Beautiful explanations, examples:)

MMMMMMM  Most folks who are truly suicidal suddenly seem happy, alive and never mention a word about killing themself..then..bam..

NNNNNNNN Just need to have some mushrooms

OOOOOOOOO It is the reason I am an Attitudinal Therapist. Breaching fears with rational… brings us back and beyond

Linda Snyder Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States and the incidence is growing. Telling people that they just have to think “better” only makes matters worse, because they now have that failure to add to their extreme depression, trauma and sense of terrible shame.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Coping Skills & Resiliency, Grief, Suicide | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

I’m Different Now

I don’t really agree with this.  For me, it’s not really about recovering the “me” that was lost.  That person is gone forever, with only parts of who I was left.

You’re different afterwards. You just aren’t the same anymore. Your day to day life is different, your future is different. Even your memories are different because they are seen through a different lens… not the lens of sharing with someone who is continuing to live, grow and change.

It has taken me two and a half years to accept that this is my life now.  Just as I’ve had to accept being in my 60s with all the differences and changes that are thrust upon us at being this age – with many of those changes ones I actively dislike… I’m not as nimble physically or intellectually as I once was, and I hate it.  There are wrinkles… my gawd, my hands look old!  And pain, worry, stress, grief… they’ve taken the looks I had when I was younger.  Looks I didn’t appreciate, when I was told I was beautiful.  So much is different now.

But I can’t continue railing against something I can’t change.  I am older.  That’s the way it is.

And John is gone.  I hate that, too.  But I can’t change that either.

I’m not sure I have or ever will recover the “me” that went away with him.  I’m different now.

Some might say I’m better than I was.  I’m more thoughtful.  I think I listen better.  I am not as ready to take on every injustice in the world.  (Is that better?  I don’t know.)  I am more tolerant. (Again, is that better?  I just don’t know.)

I isolate more but appreciate friendships more.  I cuddle my dogs more.  I worry about other people more, but instead of wanting to “fix” their hurts and pains, I just want to care about them because I don’t have the confidence I once had that I can make it all better.

I’m different now.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Coping Skills & Resiliency, Grief, Suicide | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Bacon Bits

Slowly, I’m beginning to make changes at home. A few minutes ago I threw out three of those little jars of bacon bits that John used to love so much on his salads and baked potatoes.

He died almost two and a half years ago, and those jars have been in the refrigerator (two weren’t opened) since before then.

I didn’t cry, and I didn’t do it with a grim, determined sense of purpose.  I just kind of said out loud, “Well, Johnny, even if you came back, these are just too old to eat”.

And he’s probably shaking his head at me for waiting so long.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Coping Skills & Resiliency, Suicide | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Courage


Yes, courage. Not the courage that it takes to get up every morning and keep moving despite the pain.

But the courage to stop wishing to return to a life that will never again be.

Tough shit, this. But since there’s no way to go back, and living in a holding pattern is no life, I will dig down deep and hold tightly to that courage that seemed to have been lost, and I will use it to embrace the future.

The Finns call it sisu. A perseverance against all odds, a strong will and determination… guts, but a whole lot more.

For those facing devastating times – and some of you who I love dearly are – you have helped me in ways you may not realize. I hope I can do the same for you.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Grief, Loneliness, Suicide | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Accepting That Grief Is Now Part of Me

Just got a message from someone who had connected with me a few months ago because of a person close to her who had suicided. The grief had hit her all over again, but her friends and family members seemed freaked out by her continued sorrow.

She asked if I planned to restart my suicide support group, which I had stopped running after closing the shop because I no longer had a meeting space. I started to respond that I’d been really busy and hadn’t had time… but while that’s true, that’s not the real reason.

The waves of pain and sadness had been hitting pretty often again in the past couple of months. I haven’t done any blogging on the topic, and haven’t done any volunteering for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. And I haven’t wanted to start the group up again.

Unless you’ve lived through it, you cannot imagine how the suicide of someone you love just cuts through your skin and into every muscle of your body, all the way down into each and every one of your cells. It is a grief like no other.

Everyone deals with loss differently, and the loss from a suicide is no different in that respect. Some people use drugs (legal and/or illegal) and alcohol to cope. Others throw themselves into ill-advised relationships. Many (probably a majority) will isolate, trying to get through the brain fog and anxiety and despair alone.

I worked. And worked and worked, at one point doing a full-time job plus overtime, as well as two part-time jobs while also trying to keep our antiques and used books business going. I did that because that’s what I do… I work. I always have, and I always will.

And I know… many of you tried to tell me to slow down, that I wasn’t doing myself any favors. You were all right of course, but I wasn’t ready to face the reality of John’s death under such horrendously sad circumstances. I needed a buffer. And work was part of it.

Yet, I was falling apart, every minute of every day. I was a mess… thinking, although not consciously, that if I could put enough time between October 21st, 2016 and whatever day I was in, that at some point I’d be able to deal with it all better.

It’s not like I wasn’t thinking about him constantly. I was blogging and journaling…volumes and volumes of writing. And crying, screaming sobs that would threaten to tear me apart. But I couldn’t stop moving. I’d have these occasional flashes that I could pull myself together, and I’d be okay for a few minutes or hours…sometimes even a day or two. But then it all came back, as painful as ever.

Until one day it became clear that I had to make a major change, or there wouldn’t be anything left of me to change. As I said, I was a mess.

Sadly, John’s death was compounded by others… his dog Buddy, who died shortly after John did; the death of one of my best friends from high school; the husband of a close friend; the brother of another friend I love dearly, and then my own father.

In the midst of this, some wonderful things have happened: I now have a grandson and the kids are moving home to Maine this summer; I’ve reconnected with some friends from long ago and made new friends; I’ve developed closer relationships with a few very special people such as my sister, a cousin and some others; and I’m about to climb out of the financial hole that John’s death threw me into (and is yet another reason I was working so hard before).

Have I stopped crying over the tragedy of John’s emotional and physical pain that was so much worse than I realized, and the loss of a husband I loved more than I can describe? No… and who knows if I ever will.

However, I’m not wading through mud with every step now. I’m able to accept that I will carry this grief forever, that it is a part of me now, a part of who I am, just like being in my 60s – I don’t like being this age with its attendant pains and wrinkles and loss of mental sharpness, but there’s nothing I can do other than make the best of things, and to live – LIVE – the 20 or 30 years I have left.

So this afternoon while doing office work for a local therapist who’s away at a conference, I turned on the music. K D Lang (Hallelujah), K D Lang & Roy Orbison (Crying), The Bodeans (I’m In Trouble Again), Neko Case (Buckets of Rain), Whitney Houston (I Will Always Love You), Jimmy Durante (I’ll Be Seeing You), Playing for Change (The Redemption Song), Cheryl Wheeler (Essence). Kasey Chambers (If I Had a Pony)…

And I cried and I felt alive. And it felt good.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Suicide | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Oh No….

Again, a suicide. I only slightly know one of the family members but it is so similar to what I lived through two years ago, that all of the gamut of emotions came flooding back…. fear, hope, terror, more hope, and then… the horrific reality, that will stay with me for the rest of my days.

My heart goes out to everyone who loved the individual who this afternoon also chose this method of dealing with his pain…

For me, the worst of it was – is – the recognition of how much emotional and physical pain, shame, despair and lack of hope my husband lived with, which he wasn’t able to talk about. I knew there was something terribly wrong – it wasn’t just the amount of alcohol he was drinking, to try to deal with all that pain – and I was doing everything I could think of to fix whatever problems he was dealing with. But I had no idea how bad it was.

And for that, I will forever scream my sorrow to the universe, and to my husband.

Never stop saying their names. John Kelly Snyder. 09/20/1956 – 10/21/2016.

For anyone who is grieving a loss or who has thoughts of suicide, please please I beg of you, talk to someone. You can always talk to me, even if we don’t know each other.

If you can’t talk, I can come sit with you.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Suicide | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Outraged

 

Earlier this morning I noticed that someone had posted on a flea market group I run on Facebook that she had a psychiatrist who was recommending she get additional supports.  She stated she was a single mother without a lot of money and wanted to know what might be out there.

I messaged her to let her know that under the guidelines of that group, the post would have to be removed.  I also let her know that I’d worked in the mental health field for decades, and suggested some options.

She messaged back, thanking me, saying that she had heard privately from several people on that group who had been cruel, telling her to just take more meds and other shitty things.

I was – I am – outraged.

For now, this is what I’ve done (aside from writing this blog, and posting it).  The following was posted on the aforementioned Facebook group:

“As the administrator of this group, and as a human being, I am outraged by how one of our members was treated.

She posted looking for support services for mental health issues. The post itself did not belong on this group, but that’s not the point.

What has me outraged is that she’s received a bunch of messages from people hassling her about her mental health comments, and just being mean.

IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

I will not go on a rant here (although I really feel like it), but will give a warning right now: if I find out who from this group pulled such a stupid asshole stunt, you will be blocked immediately. No questions asked, no chance to plead your immature, bullying case.

Got it?”

Damn, this makes me mad.

***************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in anxiety | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment