A Plea… Posted to My Facebook Timeline on August 30, 2019

A plea…

My Johnny was brilliant, talented, funny and larger than life. He was also deeply flawed and silently battled hideous demons he could not talk about, and which left him with a sense of shame that he couldn’t shake free of. He tried sometimes to let me in to his private hell, but then would suddenly shut down. It was painful to try to help when he couldn’t even voice what he was facing.

But he loved me with everything he had, and oh how I loved him.

I would give anything if he could walk through that door right now, with that deep gravelly voice and oddball sense of humor. But he was in tremendous pain, both emotionally and physically, a level of pain I would never want anyone to have to endure.

I would far rather live with the never-ending nightmare of my grief than have him remain alive under those circumstances, just to avoid “passing on his pain to me”, which seems to be the way too many people describe suicide.

He loved me and was convinced he was a burden and that I was better off without him. He would not have ended his own life if he’d known the impact his death, especially at his own hand, would have on me. I know this with everything I have.

I loved him, and would rather bear this pain that rips apart my very cells, than expect him to live with his torment.

Too many times I’ve heard people complain about a spouse’s death – whether by suicide or other causes. “How dare he leave me all alone like this?” “How selfish she was to not take care of her health!” “I am so angry that he is dead and now I have to deal with all the problems by myself!”

Anger is often a defense mechanism, used to cover up feelings that are hard to face: the need for love and belonging, for respect, for being part of something special.

Although I was upset with John for his alcoholism and was terrified I would come home some evening and find him dead from alcohol poisoning, I have not been angry with him for his suicide. Tragically, that suicide made clear the depth of his shame, his pain, and his own fear that I might indeed find him dead one night. After all, I twice had him in the ER where they found his blood alcohol content to be four times the legal limit. And yet, he was still standing, and talking, and lying, saying he hadn’t been drinking.

John did some shitty things because of his addictions; those very same addictions that I was in denial about for a long time. He fought them but couldn’t overcome the compulsions, and each time he lost a battle he spiraled deeper into an abyss of self-loathing that I only have the barest glimmer of.

It is my agonized hope that people will stop treating suicidality and addictions as a personal weakness, and start understanding them for the terrible disease of the mind and body that they are.

If you love me, please honor my husband’s life and struggle by spreading this word, or if necessary, by examining your attitudes.

If you only barely know me (or John), but love someone else who has lived this nightmare, please do the same.

Shaming those with addictions, depression or any other disease has never been proven to work.

Thank you.

*******************************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Beginning September 23, 2019, you will be able to call in for grief support from Linda Snyder, M.S.  The fee is $40 per phone hour (50 minutes), payable in advance via PayPal (use LSnyder@regroupbiz.com as the Pay To email address) with times available as follows:

Mondays – Fridays, 4:00 am and 5:00 am EST
Wednesdays, 3:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm EST
Fridays & Saturdays, 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm EST.

Just go to https://regroupbusinesssolutions.fullslate.com/ where you can sign up!  (It’s a bit confusing because there’s loads of writing to wade through, but if you go to the bottom left hand corner where it says “Online Scheduling” and click on the link that says “Grief Support Services”, it will take you to the calendar where you can choose an appointment time and sign up.

Talk to you soon!

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Grief, Suicide | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thoughts from September 2nd, 2019

My house smells like incense and a fresh pot of coffee.

The sound of rain is soothing and everything is a brilliant green.

The pups are sleeping on the chairs near me, and I’ve gotten several projects out of the way today. (I unfortunately will have to head in to a client’s office at 5:00 tomorrow morning in order to meet a deadline, but it’s a small price to pay to have today at home.)

Now I think I’ll open my laptop and watch Star Trek: Discovery.

Life can be good, even when major parts are missing.

*******************************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Beginning September 23, 2019, you will be able to call in for grief support from Linda Snyder, M.S.  The fee is $40 per phone hour (50 minutes), payable in advance via PayPal (use LSnyder@regroupbiz.com as the Pay To email address) with times available as follows:

Mondays – Fridays, 4:00 am and 5:00 am EST
Wednesdays, 3:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm EST
Fridays & Saturdays, 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm EST.

Just go to https://regroupbusinesssolutions.fullslate.com/ where you can sign up!  (It’s a bit confusing because there’s loads of writing to wade through, but if you go to the bottom left hand corner where it says “Online Scheduling” and click on the link that says “Grief Support Services”, it will take you to the calendar where you can choose an appointment time and sign up.

Talk to you soon!

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Grief, Suicide | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fee-for-Service Grief Supports Via Telephone To Begin September 23

I took the photo above back in 2014, on an island in Maine.  Although the island itself is stunningly beautiful, this photo has such echos of unending loneliness that I eventually began using it exclusively for The Grief Warrior Project.  What do you think?

Beginning September 23 at 4:00 am EST – YES, 4:00 in the morning! – The Grief Warrior Project will offer fee-for-service telephone supports for people coping with the complicated grief that comes with the suicide of a loved one.

The worst times for those of us coping with the aftermath of a suicide are late nights and early mornings, when we are all alone, dealing with the crushing grief and guilt that goes hand in hand with the loss of a loved one in this manner.

Linda Snyder, M.S., knows this devastating grief all too well, and started The Grief Warrior Project in November 2016, soon after her beloved husband killed himself.  She had searched for a local support group but none were available in her area.  So she started her own.

It’s been pretty hit or miss, as Linda’s grief too often got in the way of being able to run the group with any consistency.  Worse for her, Linda found that few of the clinically trained counselors she spoke with (either in person or via her employer’s telephonic EAP service), had any real inkling of the kind of overpowering grief with which a suicide explodes your mind and every last cell in your body.

Now, nearly three years later, The Grief Warrior Project is finally able to offer telephone supports, with on-line scheduling and payment availability.

Sessions are 50 minutes each, beginning on the hour, which gives 10 minutes between sessions for Linda to mentally prepare for the next session, so she can give the best of herself each time a grieving individual calls in.

Background.

Linda Snyder, M.S. has worked in the mental health field for decades, primarily as an administrator, although she also has significant client and direct care experience.  It is important to note that although Linda has a Master’s Degree (in the administration of adult education programs) and extensive experience in the mental health & social services field, she is not a clinician or therapist, and therefore cannot accept insurances for her support services.

Linda started The Grief Warrior Project in November of 2016, shortly after her beloved husband John suicided from the hopelessness and despair brought on by too many years of fighting intense physical pain and mental demons he could not escape.  Linda says, “I’m a mental health professional and have taken all the best training in understanding and preventing suicide, yet it wasn’t until my own husband killed himself, that I realized I didn’t understand suicide at all”.

Setting Up Appointments

We’ll be using a format called “Full Slate”.  All the background work has been done, but right now we’re waiting to see if it’s actually live and usable.  You’ll see that the business name is listed as “ReGroup Business Solutions” which we use for most of our back office operations and insurance credentialing business services; it’s the business name used for billing our business clients, and we had to put something in there while setting up “Full Slate”.  Hopefully we can get that changed over to The Grief Warrior Project in the near future.

The background information section can be found here:  https://regroupbusinesssolutions.fullslate.com/

The calendar section, so you can choose your appointment(s) can be found here:
https://regroupbusinesssolutions.fullslate.com/

(For some reason, the calendar only goes through early October, although I’ve tried repeatedly to make it on-going.  Another problem for their tech support to fix!)

Appointments will be available beginning the week of September 22, and will be as follows below.  (Obviously, these will have to be on a first come, first serve basis!)

Mondays – Fridays, 4:00 am and 5:00 am.
Wednesdays, 3:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm, and 6:00 pm
Fridays & Saturdays, 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm.

These are all Eastern Standard Time, so if you’re in California and 1:00 am is your worst time, night after night, you can schedule a 4:00 am EST appointment for support.  Please note, however, that if you end up sleeping through that appointment and so don’t give the required 24 hour notice of cancellation or rescheduling, there will be no refund.  (Sorry!)

Pricing and Payments.

Pricing and payment are as follows:  $40.00 for each 50 minute session.

All payments are via PayPal, and must be paid in advance, at the time the appointment is made.  Appointments will be confirmed as soon as possible after payment is made.  If your appointment is not confirmed within an hour of the appointment time you scheduled, please text 207.713.0674 to assure you are indeed scheduled.

There are no refunds for “No Shows” or appointments cancelled with less than 24 hours notice.  Appointments cancelled with at least 24 hour notice can be rescheduled with no change in fee, or a refund issued if necessary.

Confidentiality.

Please note that all sessions are confidential.  The only time such confidentiality might be broken is if Linda, or any other support person you might speak with at The Grief Warrior Project, believes you are a danger to yourself or others, in which case a crisis worker and/or 911 will be contacted for your safety or the safety of others.

More Information.

For more information about Linda or The Grief Warrior Project, please visit https://www.warrior-project.org.  We also have a Facebook page (rarely used) and a small Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/and a Twitter account at https://www.Twitter.com/warriorprojme.   It is expected that these will be used more frequently as this service grows.

Thank you for your interest, and I am so very sorry you are also dealing with this nightmare.

*******************************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Beginning September 23, 2019, you will be able to call in for grief support from Linda Snyder, M.S.  The fee is $40 per phone hour (50 minutes), payable in advance via PayPal (use LSnyder@regroupbiz.com as the Pay To email address) with times available as follows:

Mondays – Fridays, 4:00 am and 5:00 am EST
Wednesdays, 3:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm EST
Fridays & Saturdays, 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm EST.

Just go to https://regroupbusinesssolutions.fullslate.com/ where you can sign up!  (It’s a bit confusing because there’s loads of writing to wade through, but if you go to the bottom left hand corner where it says “Online Scheduling” and click on the link that says “Grief Support Services”, it will take you to the calendar where you can choose an appointment time and sign up.

Talk to you soon!

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Grief, Suicide, Telephone Supports | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Passing On The Pain – Please Don’t Say This!

A wonderful friend posted this meme on his page.  He wanted to be helpful to anyone going through suicidal thoughts, but after my comment below, private messaged me, stating he was very sorry if he had offended because of my reaction to the meme.  I told him I wasn’t upset with him.  I truly wasn’t.

Anyway, here’s my part of the thread…

“As the wife of someone who suicided, I will not share this. It’s true that he is no longer in the deep agony that he was living with, and I have been instead, but all this meme does is attempt to shame the depressed person.

There is no understanding of the hell that person is living with, and adding more shame to that person’s burden is NOT the way to help.”

Someone then asked me to explain how the sentiment expressed in the meme creates shame in the suicidal person.

Here’s my answer… (Note: I used the pronouns “he” and “she” interchangeably because this is not a male or female – or any other gender – issue.  It is a tragedy that affects far too many of us.

“I kept it short because I’ve been accused of “ranting” when I’ve tried to explain my point of view. (Not by [the original poster]!)

A suicidal person has lost all hope. She or he believes things will never get better and that she is a terrible burden to those around her. He feels a depth of shame merely for existing that the rest of us can’t understand and he likely has tried for a very long time to figure out how to make it better, but with no success.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t any answers, only that the suicidal person’s brain can’t see them, which reinforces that suicide is the only choice that will end the pain for himself and the burden he is to others.

Every bad, sad, normal crap thing that happens is reinforcement that there is no hope, and the weight of all of that falls on her. She doesn’t want the people she loves to suffer the way she does, yet believes her existence is making their lives worse, and any minor argument or blame just reinforces that.

So when his distressed brain goes round and round and can only come up with one answer – that he and everyone he loves would be better off dead – telling him that killing himself would just pass on the pain to someone else, just adds to the cognitive dissonance. He doesn’t want to make things worse for those he loves, but he sees no other answer. Why can’t he figure out how to do the right thing? Clearly, he’s just a complete fuck up which he always knew, and they don’t realize how much better off they will be without him, even if it does hurt them for a while.

And round and round it goes.

You have to remember that this is a diseased brain, with depression contorting every thought into something we cannot understand unless we’ve been there.

I knew this intellectually before John died, but FELT it all after John killed himself, and got the emotions and thoughts directly from John himself.  (Yes, I know some people will think I imagined everything, but I didn’t.  And much of what happened was independently corroborated by people who had no idea what the information they were giving me meant.)

Some friends have heard how John immediately regretted what he had done, and how he was howling in pain – after his death – for months, and how he relayed all of that to me.  He had truly believed that I would be relieved to no longer have the burden of his alcoholism, middle of the night panic attacks, and constant physical pain.

I can still feel deep in my soul the incredible pain he was in because of the many, many experiences I had after he died.

John never wanted to do anything that would hurt me, yet he was an alcoholic, trying to overcome pain and trauma in the only way he knew how. Because of his alcoholism there were lies – more lies than I realized until I found the proof after his death – which only reinforced his shame.

If he had believed that his suicide would nearly destroy me, he wouldn’t have done it – despite how his body was failing him and he was going to die within years, if not months, anyway.

For my part, I would far rather carry this pain than have him stay alive, dying and in deep distress, every single day just because he didn’t want to hurt me by leaving the way he did.

Telling a suicidal person that killing himself is just passing on the pain only reinforces that they can’t do anything right.

*******************************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Beginning September 23, 2019, you will be able to call in for grief support from Linda Snyder, M.S.  The fee is $40 per phone hour (50 minutes), payable in advance via PayPal (use LSnyder@regroupbiz.com as the Pay To email address) with times available as follows:

Mondays – Fridays, 4:00 am and 5:00 am EST
Wednesdays, 3:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm EST
Fridays & Saturdays, 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm EST.

Just go to https://regroupbusinesssolutions.fullslate.com/ where you can sign up!  (It’s a bit confusing because there’s loads of writing to wade through, but if you go to the bottom left hand corner where it says “Online Scheduling” and click on the link that says “Grief Support Services”, it will take you to the calendar where you can choose an appointment time and sign up.

Talk to you soon!

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Grief, Suicide | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

One of the Most Dangerous Memes I’ve Seen

The meme and comments below came from a Facebook group that’s supposedly for enlightened people.  The meme itself made me want to scream.  Some of the comments were completely ignorant.

XXXXXXXX  This is on point. People seem to forget you’re not supposed to be happy all the time. Life is hard. Figure out what makes it worth it.

AAAAAAAA Well, life is supposed to be fun, and easy!
If it’s hard, it’s because we’re doing something that makes it so, and then we have to find our way to how it becomes easy instead.

XXXXXXXXX It’s not supposed to be fun and easy. Not as an adult anyway. Life is fundamentally difficult.

BBBBBBBB Life is not a game. When you are that depressed the brain does or goes to places that it takes something to snap out of it.

XXXXXXXXXX Or you surrender to the emotions because it’s part of the human experience and like everything else, it’ll pass.

Linda Snyder This is such horse shit. It’s not the way people with major depression who are living with suicidal thoughts think.

XXXXXXXXXXX Linda Snyder maybe that’s their problem. 🤷🏻‍♀️

CCCCCCC   XXXXXXXX When you get to this point you cannot control how you think or feel anymore. At all. If you could, it wouldn’t be severe depression. That’s how mental illness works. It’s like somethjg takes you over, and it almost feels like you have emotions that don’t even belong to you. Severe depression, when it is at this level, has a pretty heavy layer of delusion. By the time you get to the suicide part, it is bordering on psychosis, and in my opinion, it’s already there. Other wise, they wouldn’t be considering dying in the first place, since that’s obviously not even close to rational or a normal thing to be thinking or doing.

DDDDDDDDD You cannot surrender to those emotions… They are not normal emotions. They are far past that. Nothing is real at that point. Surrendering to them, would be following through with the suicide.

EEEEEEEEE  “Maybe that’s their problem.” This is the entirety of the conversation, and unfortunately it’s everyone’s problem once it affects or touches your life in some prevalent way. I’m so grateful you have not had to experience true major depression or the loss of someone close to you due to them dying by suicide. That said, empathy is a tool that we all need in our tool belt in order to be able to find peace and make real connections. I hope you one day can understand how much pain someone must be in to want it all to end. Someone in a suicidal state does not want to die, they simply want pain to end. It isn’t about surrendering or giving up, it’s about feeling too burdensome to others. May you never endure this pain or loss, but find the ability to see how others may struggle with it and acknowledge their problem and their

FFFFFFFF I feel this was likely written by somebody who has never experienced clinical depression or suicidal thoughts. It’s way more than just “feeling sad” or having “minor problems” in your life. You can’t just talk or think

GGGGGGGG  FFFFFF – Agrees lost a friend to suicide 2 yrs ago !

FFFFFFFF I’m sorry for your loss, Nettie. It seems more and more people are taking their lives in recent years and it is tragic.

HHHHHHHH Depressed person’s response, “Mario is not real life. When you beat the game the game ends. What if you played a harder video game where it was impossible to beat the first level and the game just sucked? Would you give up? What if everyone else loved the game, but you hated the game? Would you keep trying?” See this is exactly why the Mario analogy sucks.

IIIIIIIII  comparing a life altering decision to a computer game is truly beyond comprehension.. and to try to stop another from leaving this plane when it may be a necessity is NOT the right of any human being… sometimes we simply need a rest from our life in order to come back (reincarnate) and continue working on our lives… who has any right to judge another’s path ?????? NO ONE.

JJJJJJJJ    Wtf? Just 8 weeks ago a family member of the tender age of 19 took their life. This is not valid at all!!!!!

KKKKKKKKK Normally if you are at the point you are seriously considering suicide, “things are hard sometimes but they will get better, ” is not going to suffice. You are so depressed at that point, you can hardly bare to be awake. This is a really dumb meme. Doesn’t make any sense at all.

LLLLLLLLL  Beautiful explanations, examples:)

MMMMMMM  Most folks who are truly suicidal suddenly seem happy, alive and never mention a word about killing themself..then..bam..

NNNNNNNN Just need to have some mushrooms

OOOOOOOOO It is the reason I am an Attitudinal Therapist. Breaching fears with rational… brings us back and beyond

Linda Snyder Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States and the incidence is growing. Telling people that they just have to think “better” only makes matters worse, because they now have that failure to add to their extreme depression, trauma and sense of terrible shame.

*******************************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Beginning September 23, 2019, you will be able to call in for grief support from Linda Snyder, M.S.  The fee is $40 per phone hour (50 minutes), payable in advance via PayPal (use LSnyder@regroupbiz.com as the Pay To email address) with times available as follows:

Mondays – Fridays, 4:00 am and 5:00 am EST
Wednesdays, 3:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm EST
Fridays & Saturdays, 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm EST.

Just go to https://regroupbusinesssolutions.fullslate.com/ where you can sign up!  (It’s a bit confusing because there’s loads of writing to wade through, but if you go to the bottom left hand corner where it says “Online Scheduling” and click on the link that says “Grief Support Services”, it will take you to the calendar where you can choose an appointment time and sign up.

Talk to you soon!

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Coping Skills & Resiliency, Grief, Suicide | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

I’m Different Now

I don’t really agree with this.  For me, it’s not really about recovering the “me” that was lost.  That person is gone forever, with only parts of who I was left.

You’re different afterwards. You just aren’t the same anymore. Your day to day life is different, your future is different. Even your memories are different because they are seen through a different lens… not the lens of sharing with someone who is continuing to live, grow and change.

It has taken me two and a half years to accept that this is my life now.  Just as I’ve had to accept being in my 60s with all the differences and changes that are thrust upon us at being this age – with many of those changes ones I actively dislike… I’m not as nimble physically or intellectually as I once was, and I hate it.  There are wrinkles… my gawd, my hands look old!  And pain, worry, stress, grief… they’ve taken the looks I had when I was younger.  Looks I didn’t appreciate, when I was told I was beautiful.  So much is different now.

But I can’t continue railing against something I can’t change.  I am older.  That’s the way it is.

And John is gone.  I hate that, too.  But I can’t change that either.

I’m not sure I have or ever will recover the “me” that went away with him.  I’m different now.

Some might say I’m better than I was.  I’m more thoughtful.  I think I listen better.  I am not as ready to take on every injustice in the world.  (Is that better?  I don’t know.)  I am more tolerant. (Again, is that better?  I just don’t know.)

I isolate more but appreciate friendships more.  I cuddle my dogs more.  I worry about other people more, but instead of wanting to “fix” their hurts and pains, I just want to care about them because I don’t have the confidence I once had that I can make it all better.

I’m different now.

*******************************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Beginning September 23, 2019, you will be able to call in for grief support from Linda Snyder, M.S.  The fee is $40 per phone hour (50 minutes), payable in advance via PayPal (use LSnyder@regroupbiz.com as the Pay To email address) with times available as follows:

Mondays – Fridays, 4:00 am and 5:00 am EST
Wednesdays, 3:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm EST
Fridays & Saturdays, 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm EST.

Just go to https://regroupbusinesssolutions.fullslate.com/ where you can sign up!  (It’s a bit confusing because there’s loads of writing to wade through, but if you go to the bottom left hand corner where it says “Online Scheduling” and click on the link that says “Grief Support Services”, it will take you to the calendar where you can choose an appointment time and sign up.

Talk to you soon!

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Coping Skills & Resiliency, Grief, Suicide | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Bacon Bits

Slowly, I’m beginning to make changes at home. A few minutes ago I threw out three of those little jars of bacon bits that John used to love so much on his salads and baked potatoes.

He died almost two and a half years ago, and those jars have been in the refrigerator (two weren’t opened) since before then.

I didn’t cry, and I didn’t do it with a grim, determined sense of purpose.  I just kind of said out loud, “Well, Johnny, even if you came back, these are just too old to eat”.

And he’s probably shaking his head at me for waiting so long.

*******************************************************

In memory of my beloved husband John Kelly Snyder… 20 Sept 1956 – 21 Oct 2016.

My Johnny was a true warrior, fighting demons no one else could see.  I thought he was the strongest man in the world, and perhaps he was, but tragically, the demons got the better of him.

The name of this project is in no way intended to be reflective of, or piggy back off, Wounded Warriors which serves those military personnel wounded after September 11, 20o1.  Like too many others, John was a warrior long before then.

Fair winds and following seas, Husband.

**************************************

We now have a group on Facebook to help find resources, support and ideas for getting The Grief Warrior Project off the ground.  You can find us there at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorproject/

Follow us on Twitter!  @WarriorProjME.

Help support The Grief Warrior Project by making purchases from Heritage Collectibles, Books & Maps.  All profits (after expenses) go to helping us help others.  You can find Heritage Collectibles at  https://heritagecollectiblesmaine.com, on Facebook (both a group and a page) and on Twitter (HeritageGifts).

Beginning September 23, 2019, you will be able to call in for grief support from Linda Snyder, M.S.  The fee is $40 per phone hour (50 minutes), payable in advance via PayPal (use LSnyder@regroupbiz.com as the Pay To email address) with times available as follows:

Mondays – Fridays, 4:00 am and 5:00 am EST
Wednesdays, 3:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm EST
Fridays & Saturdays, 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm EST.

Just go to https://regroupbusinesssolutions.fullslate.com/ where you can sign up!  (It’s a bit confusing because there’s loads of writing to wade through, but if you go to the bottom left hand corner where it says “Online Scheduling” and click on the link that says “Grief Support Services”, it will take you to the calendar where you can choose an appointment time and sign up.

Talk to you soon!

**************************************

Despite decades of disbelief, I have come to realize that our loved ones are able to communicate with us through the life/death barrier.  My Johnny has proved this in ways that I can’t attribute to my own mind making things up… there have been complex coincidences and synchronicities, extraordinary happenings, and messages through others who could not possibly have any knowledge of the information they’ve passed on.  Truly mind-blowing stuff.  I don’t have a clue what I believe about life after death, but I know my husband loved me with everything he had, and that he still does.  Our wedding vows were “to death and beyond” and that has proved true for both of us.

I can’t tell you how it all works, or how you can get through to your own loved one, but if you’re interested, I can tell you of my experiences and my thoughts on this.

Posted in Coping Skills & Resiliency, Suicide | Tagged , , | Leave a comment